What Should I Do If My Spouse Left the Home?

In short

The home being left does not of itself produce a divorce ruling; the fact, the address for service, and interim maintenance if there is any, are read separately.

The fact of desertion reads the address for service, and the conditions of desertion in the Turkish Civil Code, separately. It does not produce a ruling on its own.

The opening of the divorce is in a separate writing.

The last shared home can affect venue.

Related articles: how a divorce is brought.

The first practical order

1. Write the date of the separation and the address for service; a sentence of "they disappeared" is not enough.
2. A measure for the child and for maintenance is a separate line; it is not an automatic extension of the action for desertion.
3. If the conditions of the notice of desertion are not there, do not mix in the general ground of breakdown.

What should you do first when your spouse has left the home?

If your spouse has left the shared home, know that this does not produce a result of an automatic divorce, a transfer of custody, or a division of property. First record the date and the reason of the separation calmly; build a temporary plan for the children's daily care, the rent or the loan, the bills, and the necessary expenses. Do not throw out the spouse's personal belongings, do not empty the joint accounts, and do not take actual steps that would prevent a return when there is no decision on safety.

If communication is safe, it can be useful to clarify in writing whether the spouse has left temporarily or permanently, and the plan of contact with the children and of a contribution to the expenses. If there is violence, a threat, or being followed, a face-to-face meeting is not obligatory; the police and measures of protection should be assessed. Rather than making accusing explanations to the children such as "they left us", a language that fits their ages, and that does not increase the uncertainty, should be used.

This writing is for general information. Who was at fault cannot be said before the legal reason of the separation, and the parties' conduct, are examined.

Is every departure from the home counted in law as desertion?

No. In everyday language "desertion" is used in the sense of the spouse leaving the home. The special ground for divorce in the Turkish Civil Code has narrower conditions. The spouse must have left the shared life in order not to perform the duties arising from the marriage, or must not have returned to the shared home without a just cause. The statutory period, and a notice to return in proper form, must also be completed.

In these situations there can be a just cause for the departure:

• Protection from physical, psychological, sexual, or economic violence
• The other spouse driving them from the shared home, or preventing the return
• A need for medical treatment, or for necessary care
• A temporary duty of work or of education within the spouses' knowledge
• The dwelling not being safe, or not being fit for living together
• An agreement of the parties to pause the shared life

Whether a just cause exists is assessed with the evidence of each event. One spouse going to their family for a few days in anger, and leaving all the family responsibilities for months without giving news, are not the same. The person who drives the spouse from the home, or who prevents their return without a reason, can also be assessed, in the special provisions on desertion, as standing in the position of the one who deserted.

How is the family and the children's arrangement protected in the first days?

After the separation, the most urgent problem is usually not the name of the action but the continuation of daily life. The rent, the loan, the electricity, the school transport, the health expense, and where the children will stay can become uncertain. The accounts and the documents the parties can reach should be put on record in a lawful way; consuming the joint money in bad faith should be avoided.

A practical list of preparation can be as follows:

• Keeping the date the spouse left, and the written message they left if there is one
• Noting the children's school, health, and care arrangement as at that date
• Drawing a list of the rent or the housing loan, and of the monthly bills
• Keeping the documents of the parties' known income and of the necessary expenses
• Preparing a photographic inventory of the personal and joint belongings that remain in the home
• Following unusual movements in the joint accounts with the bank records
• Determining a safe channel of communication, and a method of handing over the children

Contact with the children, and a contribution to the expenses, should not be tied to each other. An approach of "if you do not send money you cannot see the child", or "if you do not return home I will not pay the expenses", turns separate legal problems into a tool of bargaining. For the need of maintenance, interim maintenance can be asked for from the family court, and a suitable interim arrangement for contact with the child. The distinction among the kinds of maintenance is explained in the writing on the kinds of maintenance.

The legal conditions of the notice of desertion

If the special ground of desertion will be relied on, the calendar in the statute, and the content of the notice, must be complied with strictly. In the general frame, after at least four months have passed over the desertion, a period of two months is given to the spouse who left, through a judge or a notary, to return to the shared home. The results of not returning are notified. The divorce action cannot be brought before the total separation has lasted at least six months, and before the two-month period in the notice has been completed.

Complying with the calendar alone is not enough. The invitation to return must be sincere. The spouse who asks for the notice must really be ready to continue the shared life, must show a dwelling that is independent and fit for living together, must convey the key and the cost of the journey if needed, and must not engage in conduct that prevents the return. The address in the notice must be clear and actually usable.

Examples that can damage the sincerity are these:

• Continuing a grave threat and insult before or after the notice
• Changing the lock of the dwelling and not giving the key
• Forcing them to live in the same dwelling with members of the family who threaten the spouse's safety
• Putting conditions for the return that are not realistic, or that are degrading
• Making a call to return at the same time as conduct showing a firm decision to divorce

The notice having been sent through a notary does not automatically make its content valid. Service, the address, the period, the suitability of the dwelling, and the sincere invitation can be examined by the court.

The process of divorce by reason of desertion, step by step

If this special ground will be relied on, the process should be carried on by a sequential check of the conditions, not by a hurried text of a notice:

• The start date of the separation is determined. The actual separation is put on record with a message, a journey, the rent, or witness information.
• The reason of the separation is investigated. The possibility of a just cause, of a mutual agreement, or of the other spouse driving them from the home, is assessed.
• The first period of four months is watched. No transaction is made before the earliest time the statute provides for the notice has run.
• The dwelling of return is prepared. The dwelling is made independent, safe, and fit for a shared life.
• The notice of the judge or of the notary is drawn. The period of two months to return, the address, and the result of not returning are notified openly.
• Service, and the possibility of return, are followed. Practical conditions such as the key, the cost of the journey, and communication are really provided.
• The total period of six months is completed. The action is not brought before the period of two months after the notice has run.
• The action is brought in the family court. The conditions of desertion, the notice in proper form, and the evidence of the separation that continues are presented.

If there is a shortcoming in the statutory periods, or in the conditions of the notice, an action based on the special ground of desertion can be dismissed. For that reason a standard text of a notice found on the internet should not be used.

Breakdown of the marriage at its foundation, instead of desertion

The spouse's departure may not meet all the conditions of the special ground of desertion; the events that led to the departure can show, however, that the marriage has broken down at its foundation. Continuing indifference, avoiding the economic duties, insult, a breach of fidelity, or a long rupture of the shared life can be assessed, with their own evidence, within the scope of the general ground for divorce.

These two grounds do not have the same structure of proof. In an action for desertion, the notice and the period are of central importance. In breakdown at the foundation, the events that make the shared life unsustainable, and the parties' fault, are examined. Which ground will be relied on should be chosen according to its fit with the actual events, not merely because it looks faster.

The stages of pleadings, of evidence, and of the hearing in a contested trial are taken up in detail in the guide on the contested divorce process.

Maintenance and the expenses after the spouse has left the home

For so long as the marriage continues, the spouses' duty to contribute to the expenses of the union in proportion to their means continues. An actual separation does not of itself remove the expense of caring for the children, or, if the conditions of the spouse are there, the responsibility of a contribution to their maintenance. Interim maintenance, and measures relating to the interim arrangement of the shared life, can be asked for from the family court.

While the request is prepared, this information matters:

• The children's monthly expenses of school, health, food, and housing
• The rent or the loan payment of the dwelling
• The parties' salary, self-employment, and other known incomes
• The standard of living before the separation
• The regular or irregular payments the spouse made after the separation
• Being unable to work because of care, or a special need of health

The money the spouse sent voluntarily should be put on record by a bank transfer with an explanation. Whether a general transfer in the form of "household expense" is maintenance, or another debt, can be debated later. An amount determined one-sidedly, without a court decision, does not automatically end all the later requests.

Custody and personal contact as regards the children

A married mother and father as a rule exercise custody together. The spouse leaving the home does not give custody automatically to the parent who stayed in the home. By whom the child's actual care is carried on is an important fact, however, as regards the interim and the final arrangement. If there is a conflict in the child being taken from school, being taken to another city, or in decisions of health, a measure can be asked for from the family court.

The child's bond with the other parent should not be cut as a punishment for the separation. If there is no security risk, a plan of personal contact that fits their age and their programme should be built. If there is a risk of violence, of addiction, or of abduction, supervised contact, or a restriction, can be asked for. If the parents cannot communicate with each other, the place and the time of handover should be written in detail.

Debating the reasons of the separation in front of the children, speaking ill of the other parent, or sending a message through the child creates an emotional burden. While assessing the arrangement of care, the court can also look at the parents' capacity to support the child's relationship with the other parent.

The shared home, the family-home annotation, and the belongings

The person who stayed in the home does not become the owner, or the sole tenant, merely because the spouse left. The land registry, the lease, the character of a family home, and the court measure if there is one, are assessed separately. The family-home annotation can provide protection against some dispositions over the immovable; it does not, on its own, create a transfer of ownership or a right to live there without a period. The detail is in the guide on the family-home annotation.

The spouse who stayed in the home should not destroy or sell the personal belongings of the one who left. A photographic inventory can be prepared, and a written day of handover can be proposed. The handover of necessary belongings such as identity, medicine, and a work document should not be prevented without a need. If the ownership of a joint belonging is disputed, an agreement, or the legal process, should be used instead of a one-sided sharing.

If there is a security risk, rather than meeting directly for the handover of belongings, action should be taken in line with a representative, with information to the police, or with the method in the protection decision.

The application as regards Ankara and Çankaya

In an action for divorce by reason of desertion, the court with subject-matter jurisdiction is the family court. Venue is determined according to the statutory connections, such as the spouses' residence and the place of the last shared life. For how long the shared home in Çankaya was used together, the spouses' current records of residence, and the date of the separation can matter in the assessment of venue in Ankara.

The address of service of the notice must be correct, and the dwelling shown for the return must really be found to be reachable. The transaction being made through a notary or a court in Ankara does not cure a missing period, or a problem of sincerity. The workload of the local court can affect only the calendar.

For the general legal connections relating to divorce, the children, maintenance, and the dwelling, the family law practice area can be looked at.

A final assessment before deciding

When your spouse has left the home, first determine the reason of the separation, its period, and its effect on the family arrangement. If you are thinking of the special ground of desertion, have regard to the sincerity of the invitation to return as much as to the frame of waiting four months, of a notice in proper form of two months, and of a total separation of six months. If these conditions are not suitable, assess whether the events that led to the separation form another ground for divorce.

Manage the children's care, the basic expenses, and the belongings in a recorded way and without conflict. This text does not stand in for a legal opinion; when the records of the separation and the content of the communication are examined, it can be determined which of the route of the notice, of a measure, or of divorce fits the event.

Where the record of the separation is read from

The separation, the address for service, and interim maintenance if there is any, are read separately. Not every departure from the home is counted as a ground of desertion. The office being in Çankaya does not choose the family-court authority. A period that is not written in the file is not added.

Conclusion

This writing is for general information. The document, the period, and the procedure of the concrete event must be read separately; there is no promise of a result from memory.